What are the biggest misconceptions about life in prison?
There are a few, the first one being that only bad people go to prison. And when people see how awful these prisons are, especially in the South, they see the horrific conditions the inmates are dealing with, like there's no air conditioning in Texas, and people have died from heat exhaustion. These are human rights violations. This should not be happening, even though they broke the law. For whatever reason in this country, people prioritize punishment over rehabilitation. But our recidivism rates don't show that punishing them harder even works. It's the opposite. So, because of that stigma, I don't think I will ever see the prison reform that I want to see in my lifetime.
What kind of prison reform would you like to see?
The first thing that we need to change is the food. People get mad when I talk about that, but when you're feeding somebody food that’s not for human consumption and tiny portions, your mental health suffers, your physical health suffers. Hygiene should not have to be a struggle either. There's also a lot of sexual assault that happens with men in prison and that's with male guards and female inmates. I think that every facility needs body cameras and better food and programs. They need a massive overhaul where we have a job in prison and then we have the placement on the outside. Then we need to redo the housing situation.
Can you describe the experience of giving birth in prison?
It was so traumatic. That experience with Micah, my daughter, made me get into prison reform and have a bachelor's degree in correctional program support services. I was serving time in Arkansas, and I'm originally from New York, so I had no one on the ground that could help me. So, she's going to go into foster care, and it's going to be okay. I'm gonna get out, and I'm gonna get her back. I was mentally trying to prepare, but when I went into labor, there was nothing that could have prepared me for any of that. I essentially gave birth in chains. And they wouldn't let me have a lot of aftercare. It's an emotional story. I'll cry if I go into the details, but there are a lot of videos on my YouTube channel. I was basically ripped away from her and I had to be forced out of the hospital. I don't remember getting back to the prison because my PTSD is so bad that I have complete lack of memory other than getting into the van, the CO's [correctional officers] acting like it was a regular Tuesday, talking about lunch. And then I woke up in the infirmary. I had no idea why I was there.
You were reunited with your daughter in 2014?
I did see her one time at court before that. I got out homeless, and she was placed four hours away from the halfway house I was living at. I got two-hour visits, then four, then six, then overnights and then I got to have her full time in my care. Micah was almost 3 when I got her back. I remember going back to court thinking they're going to take her away from me again. And the judge was so understanding. She told me that I had worked harder than anyone she's seen in a long time and wished me the best of luck. I am so grateful to that judge. I wrote her a letter years later thanking her. It was years of work and wondering, “Am I actually going to get to be her mom?”
Before you couldn't tell me anything. I was in my early 20s, and I was just wild. But the second that I saw her, I was like, “I'm done. I'm retired. I'm gonna go full mom mode.”
What other challenges did you face in prison?
Arkansas was the biggest arc in my life story because I saw a lot of inhumane things. At the time, they didn't give women underwear or bras, and they didn't give women tampons, so I don't know where a pad is supposed to go. Men have a lot more “freedom” in prison and they have a lot more facilities. There was a lot of self-harm. I saw someone take their life in solitary confinement. There were no mental health resources. And then if you did say you were struggling with your mental health, they would just lock you in solitary confinement.
What was your reentry experience like?
It was hard to go from making a lot of money in the criminal world to minimum wage. Hunger is the No. 1 thing as I got out with nothing. I had prison sweatpants and shower shoes and a bunch of prison mail and phone numbers. I had to work three jobs to get out of that pit, and that was exhausting. There was stigma with me being a felon in Arkansas, so some jobs I couldn't have. There were a lot of highs and lows, but employment and housing were probably the hardest things.
Is there feedback that you've gotten from people that have been impacted by what you've experienced?
I get DMs all the time, especially when a high-profile woman goes to prison. But I've been able to help a lot of people find recovery and not give up when it comes to getting out and starting over. That's been the biggest blessing of my platforms is that people feel less alone, or just having a space where you feel “this person gets me.” That makes a huge impact.
Any advice you’d go back and tell your younger self?
If I could tell my younger self anything, it would be: You can make money in a legitimate way, you don't have to sell drugs or guns. You can create a small business. I would tell myself that because more trauma has been inflicted because of prison than anything else.
Looking back, are there any positive takeaways from your time in prison?
Yeah. Micah probably wouldn't be alive if I didn't get arrested, because I was using drugs. I was selling drugs and had no idea that I was pregnant. I was arrested very early on, so she's healthy and fine, and that was good. And as hard as all of that was, it was a pause in my life, and I was able to really meditate on the kind of person I wanted to be when I got out, the kind of mother I wanted to be. I had goals that I had set for myself and that was get out, get my daughter, stay sober and build the life that I want. Write a book about all of the things I've gone through, which I'm almost done with. I didn't know social media would blow up. I just knew that people will know my story somehow, because I'm determined to make sure that people know the ins and outs of prison and drug addiction. If it wasn’t for that arrest in 2011, I would have never tried to get sober. I would probably be dead.
Which goals do you still hope to accomplish?
I'm a domestic violence advocate and one of the main things that I want to happen is to reinstate Roe v. Wade and to make it where women don't go to prison for miscarriages. I also want the way that we look at domestic violence survivors to change. But as far as my personal goals are concerned, I want to finish my book.
